Demons
by KristenStewartForever
Summary: Kristen Stewart, 21, single and pregnant? Short Story. Broken, almost to nothing and her daughter is paying the price
1. Chapter 1

Kristen was always insecure about herself. She always thought she wasn't good enough and that's how she ended up in this position. Currently laying in a hospital bed 10 centimeters dilated giving birth to her first baby girl. She had chosen adoption after Robert had left her she had convinced herself that she didn't deserve the life that was growing inside of her. She had found out she was pregnant just a week after he had left and two days prior to that, she had tried to commit suicide.

She had moved out of the LA area shortly after she had found out, not telling anyone where she was going. Even to this day, she still had not told anyone where she was, only that she was pregnant. She was residing in a tiny apartment in Deer Creek Wisconsin, anything to get away from the media and her friends and family.

"Kristen push" the nurse commanded. It brought her back to reality, back to the excruciating pain that was overtaking her body. She bored down pushing with everything she had, feeling her opening tearing. She cried, fought and screamed wanting it all over with. But for her, it wasn't just the physical pain. She had decided that she didn't want to see her baby, she wanted it taken out of the room as soon as it was delivered. It was better that way or so she thought.

She kept pushing, pushing like her life depended on it. She thought about how the pain would be over soon, how she could just return to her life…. not that she had one.

She pushed until all the pressure and pain was gone, the cries of her newborn filled the room. She turned her head and closed her eyes, not wanting to see the screaming baby. The cries slowly faded and she knew they had taken her out of the room. Tears streamed down Kristen's cheeks, she felt like shit, she was pushing her daughter away when all the baby wanted was her. She kept her eyes closed only slightly whimpering as she got stitched up after delivering the after birth.

Soon she was alone, with only her thoughts. She prayed her baby was doing alright and she prayed to any god out there that she had the strength to go through with it. As much as she wanted to hate her daughter, as much as she wanted to call her a mistake. She couldn't. Truth was, she loved her and she tried to convince herself she was doing this out of love. But in reality, it was out of selfishness. She thought back to the previous months, she had not taken care of herself like she should have and in not doing that, also meant she wasn't taking care of her baby. Another thing that frustrated her.

She hated herself, more than she should have she guessed. She had been told that she needed to eat more for her baby's sake but she had not listened, she never did when it came to both their health, even skipping appointments. She couldn't be bothered, she tried often to forget there was a baby inside of her and tried to just get on with her life. Movie role offers didn't happen very often thanks to the baby and that made Kristen angry.

She wanted to blame the baby for everything wrong with her life, but it was actually her own stupidity. She was the one that wasn't good enough for Robert to stick around. She was the one that was foolish enough to think that he actually loved her.

By this point it was late, it had been a few hours since she had delivered the baby and she had been moved from labor and delivery into the maternity ward. The room was quiet, she had been lucky that she had her own room. The last thing she needed was to hear someone else's baby and not her own.

Tired as all hell, she sent a message to her family and friends letting them know she was safe, her life had just changed and the baby was finally out of her. She turned over, placing her phone on the charger before bringing the blanket up and over her. She turned over in the bed, wincing as her whole body screamed in pain. To her, it was another reminder that she had given birth, that another life needed her and she didn't want anything to do with it. As she fell asleep she hoped she was doing the right thing….


	2. Internal Struggle

2 days later

Kristen was laying on her side in the hospital bed, scrolling through her phone trying to keep her mind off of her baby. Deep down she longed to hold her but she would tell herself that her daughter deserved better than her worthless ass and that kept her from asking for her.

She heard the door open and what sounded like a baby fussing. She laid her phone next to her and turned over in the bed to see the nurse with a pink bundle in her arms as the baby fussed loudly.

"Would you like to hold her now?" The nurse asked her, the same nurse that had been with her since she was in labor 2 days ago. Kristen was on the verge of crying, the sound of her baby fussing calling out for her was almost too much to handle

"I-i" Kristen stuttered. "I shouldn't." Tears started streaming down her cheeks as the baby went from fussing to wailing obviously wanting something or someone. Kristen sighed and gave into all that was holy, the ache of needing her baby in her arms was too much to bare and she silently nodded a yes as she awkwardly positioned her arms.

"Just hold her like I am" the nurse gently spoke as she placed the baby in Kristen's arms. Kristen did what felt natural and pulled her daughter against her chest, watching as the baby quieted her wails and started whimpering instead. She couldn't help the tears that came, her daughter was so small and precious and didn't deserve to be stuck with her as a mother.

"I'm sorry sweetie," Kristen quietly spoke. "I've been ignoring you the past couple days and I shouldn't have been. I don't know what to do…."

The nurse sat down on the bed next to Kristen. "She's been looking for you,"

Kristen remained silent, just staring at the perfect angel in her arms. Wondering what the fuck she was going to do.

"I know everyone here must think I'm an ass" she started. "I've ignored my daughter the past couple days but you have to see where I'm coming from. Her father and I broke up, he left about 7 months ago. I was convinced I wasn't worthy of being loved or loving someone…."

"And that's why you didn't want anything to do with her" the nurse stated

"Yeah, I tried killing myself shortly after he left and I found out I was pregnant the next day." Tears once again started streaming down her face. "I almost ended both our lives and it kills me. I almost killed my baby without knowing it. She deserves better than me"

"Honey" The nurse started out. "It's not your fault, You are capable of being loved. I can already tell this little girl loves you to death."

"Even though I abandoned her?"

"She doesn't care about that, what matters is you are here for her now."

"I love you baby" Kristen whispered as she kissed the tiny girl's forehead. "I always have."

A few minutes later she was alone again in her room, except for her daughter sleeping peacefully on her chest. Kristen found it fascinating just to watch her. Her tiny noises and movements tugged at her heartstrings. All that baby knew was that she was snuggling with her mommy, she didn't know about her mother's internal struggle.

Kristen was struggling with how she felt. A part of her wanted to push her daughter away again but another part wanted to just hold her close and never let her go. She laughed at herself when she realized that this baby didn't even have a name. Two days old and nameless, she had not been a mother who would think of baby names. Instead, she was worried about what kind of life she could provide her and it seemed easier to just let her go. Run and not look back, pray that whoever got her would take care of her. But now, as she looked at the tiny girl that was asleep on her chest, she couldn't do it. She had met her and fell in love, but the worry was still there. The unknown. Before she knew it she had fallen asleep with her little girl.


	3. Home

Today was the day they were going home, Kristen was absolutely terrified at the thought of taking her baby home, but as she sat in bed stroking the little patch of hair that was on top of her little girls head she knew, in the end, she had made the right decision. She had realized just over the course of a day, just how much her daughter depended on her and just how much she loved her mother.

A few things she had learned about her baby

She was a snuggle bug. She would take any chance she could to lay against Kristen's chest and listen to her heartbeat.

She hated being left alone too long

She hated being examined and baths.

"Hi, baby," she whispered when she saw her little girl staring up at her. "We get to go home today, well back to the apartment at least. Mommy will try her best with you, I'm still battling some inner demons but they shouldn't come in the way of taking care of you sweet girl.

"What are we naming her?" The nurse asked as she came into the room. Kristen struggled with a name, she had not been a mother to obsess over a name, she thought long and hard while she held her baby close to her.

"Kailia Amber Jules Stewart" (KI-LEAH) she announced. Yes, she had settled on a name. actually, she had randomly started calling her that and it stuck. She watched as the nurse filled out the birth certificate and in her mind, this made it official, it was just her and her daughter now.

After the nurse left she carefully out of bed and laid her little girl in the plastic crib they had in the room. She went into her bag and grabbed a fleece baby sleeper that she had gotten from someone to change the baby into.

She started to change her, being mindful of her movements. Talking to the tiny baby in a low soothing tone as the baby fussed and let out little cries of displeasure.

"I know sweetheart, we are almost done." She carefully picked her up when she was done, snuggling the newborn against her chest, watching as Kailia, curled up in a ball against her as she whimpered softly. The hospital had provided her with a car seat because she didn't have one, she really didn't have anything for the baby now that she thought about it. She sighed and kissed her daughter's forehead as she swayed side to side with her.

"Let's see how you like your car seat baby," Kristen whispered as she headed over. Gently she lowered Kailia into it watching as the baby softly whimpered but turned into a full out cry as she got buckled in. She leaned down and kissed her daughter's cheek letting her know she was alright. Slowly, she rocked the car seat gently putting the baby to sleep. She knew the cab should be there soon and decided to wait outside. The nurse brought a wheelchair and they both were wheeled outside to the bench. The nurse sat Kristen bag next to her, Kristen thanked her sincerely before she left.

It was a few minutes later when a soft whimper escaped from Kailia, Kristen reached around the handlebar and stroked the baby's cheek. "Hey, gorgeous, were alright" she cooed

The cab eventually pulled up, Kristen wrapped her arm around the handle of the car seat as she slowly stood up. She got her daughter settled and slipped in beside her, stroking the little girl's hand in attempt to keep her asleep

Arriving back to the apartment, Kristen climbed three flights of stairs car seat in hand and her bag slung over her other shoulder. She sat the car seat down next to her fumbling with her keys to open the door, all the while her neighbors were blasting their music and screaming. She finally managed to get the door unlocked. She looked down at Kailia who had started to fuss, voicing her displeasure about to the ruckus next door.

She silently agreed with her daughter as she picked the carseat up, heading into the apartment. She went into the bedroom, setting the car seat on the bed. She undid the straps, carefully lifting the tiny baby out as Kailia fussed as she was settled against her chest.

"Welcome home Kailia" Kristen spoke softly. She walked slowly around the apartment showing her the rooms. The apartment was small, very small. When Kristen left Los Angeles she didn't bring much money, she left 95% of it in an LA bank knowing she would be returning after her daughters birth so she just got a tiny little apartment.

She stopped back in her room and realized she needed to go shopping. She carefully laid the baby down on the bed and went through her bag removing her items and leaving a few baby items she had in there. Grabbing one of her zip-up sweatshirts out of the drawer she placed Kailia against her chest and zipped the sweatshirt up around her, securing it so she could be hands-free to shop. She started the block walk to the nearest Walmart, sweating when she arrived. She looked down to make sure the baby was still asleep before starting the shop

After the shopping was done she headed back to the apartment. After getting Kailia settled on the bed Kristen went and got everything organized in her room. Sticking some diapers and pacifiers in a little storage tray on her nightstand, within reach. She plopped down gently onto her bed when she was done, taking her baby girl into her arms. She leaned back against her pillow, placing Kailia on her chest. She sighed, this wasn't how she envisioned this going. She was supposed to give birth and leave the baby there, but here she was laying in her apartment with her baby girl, it was just the two of them now and she was scared but she vowed no matter what, she was going to try and be the best mom she could.


	4. Flight Home

5:30pm

Kristen was in the bedroom packing her suitcase, Kailia was asleep in the middle of the big white bed, curled up into a ball. She couldn't help but smile seeing her daughter sleep, she was oblivious to everything around her.

Finishing up with the packing she went over to Kailia, gently brushing her fingertips over her tiny hand. She had learned a lot over the past 2 weeks, not only about her daughter but also herself. She decided that once they were both settled back in LA, she was going to therapy. She knew she couldn't take care of her baby girl if she didn't help herself first and she was struggling big time. She sighed before gently picking her baby girl up, placing her more towards the edge so she could change her and soon they were off to the airport.

The airport was such a headache for Kristen, she was often recognized and now that she had Kailia, she didn't want anyone near them. Security was the biggest bitch, having to hand her baby over to a complete stranger while she went through the metal detector and watch as they checked Kailia as a safety precaution as her little girl cried.

They still had another hour until their flight was to be called. Kristen was quietly talking to Kailia and kissing the top of her head as the baby cried against her chest, still not happy with being woken up by the security guards.

Finally getting settled in her seat, Kristen settled Kailia against her chest and laid the boppy pillow on her lap.

"She's cute," a voice from next to her said. Kristen smiled. "I'm Aspen by the way."

"Kristen," she smiled shaking Aspens hand. "Thank you."

"How old is she?"

"2 weeks."

"Cute, I just lost my baby last week. I'm heading back to California now."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kristen said sincerely.

"Stillbirth, she's in a better place I guess."

"What was her name?"

"Callie," Kristen was speechless, she couldn't imagine losing her little girl. She sighed and looked down at her daughter fighting the urge to scream. how could she have been so fucking stupid?

"Are you Ok?" Aspen's voice came from beside her.

"No..." she went onto explaining mostly everything to Aspen. Feeling better having told someone. A few minutes later Kristen was falling asleep, Aspen couldn't help but notice Kristen was slowly losing her grip on Kailia and gently took her into her arms.

"Hello, gorgeous" she whispered. "Let's give your momma a little break."

When Kristen awoke a few hours later she was confused. She didn't feel her baby against her. She groggily opened her eyes and looked around for her daughter, finding her snuggled against Aspen's chest.

"Hey your awake" Aspen said

"Yeah, when did you take her?"

"You were losing your grip on her, so I took her."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About 3 hours. I fed her a bottle you had in the bag. She was so good."

"Thank you, you didn't have to." Kristen carefully took Kailia back into her arms.

"No problem, you needed the rest and she was a good girl, I didn't mind."

Kristen and Aspen talked about anything and everything, making the time go by. For once, it was like talking to a friend. She was happy that Aspen didn't make a fuss as to who she was, she felt normal.

When the plane touched down, Kristen was feeding Kailia another bottle. She looked out the window into the darkness and sighed, a tear trickling out of her eye.

"Come on baby girl, let's go home" she whispered


	5. Confessions

Getting off the plane, Kristen found her mom standing by the gate and ran to her. As soon as her arms were around her mom, she lost it. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she hugged her mother, being careful of the baby.

After a couple of minutes, she pulled away.

"Meet your granddaughter mom, Kailia Amber Jules Stewart"

"She's beautiful. Come here sweetheart" Jules gushed as she took Kailia from Kristen.

"How are you doing sweetie?" Jules asked as she rubbed her hand up and down Kristen's arm.

"Let's have this conversation later," Kristen said and Jules could see it in her eyes that now was not the time.

The ride back to her mothers was quiet. Kristen just kept staring at Kailia, holding her hand as the baby surprisingly still slept. If only she did this at night Kristen thought. That was another thing she had learned about Kailia, that baby hated sleeping at night. If Kristen wanted any amount asleep, even 5 minutes she had to have Kailia snuggled on her chest. She knew that was dangerous but she was desperate for a couple hours a night.

Arriving at her mother's, Kristen made sure Kailia was alright before helping her mother with the luggage. She was setting up the bassinet next to her bed when Jules came into the room carrying Kailia who was awake and whimpering.

Kristen took her and laid her against her chest just as Kailia went into full-blown crying.

"Hey, I'm right here, everything's ok." She whispered. Once she knew the baby was asleep she gently laid her into the bassinet and followed her mother to the living room. She grabbed a beer out of the fridge and headed to the couch.

"Fuck" she exclaimed when she realized she couldn't drink it. She was breastfeeding for the most part. She went into one of her bangs and grabbed the breast pump, pumping a few bottles to get Kailia through the night.

She cracked open the beer and took a swig as her mother sat down on the couch.

"So what have you been doing these past months?" Jules asked her

"Living in a rundown shitty apartment. Only wiring money as I needed it. Fucking sucked"

"Please tell me that's not what you brought your baby too!"

"Yes actually, we have been living there for the past couple weeks. I wasn't planning on keeping her."

Kailia started crying, Kristen sighed and got up only to be pushed back down.

"I've got her Kristen," Jules said.

Kristen watched as Jules came into the room carrying Kailia who was still crying.

"Hey, love," Kristen whispered as she carefully took the baby from her mother and laid her down on the floor to change her.

"What's your plan now Kristen?" Jules asked as Kristen sat back down.

"I'm not going back to work for a while and I'm going to start going to therapy."

Jules gave Kristen a questioning look

"I need to mom, I need to get better in order to take care of Kailia. I still have a lot I need to work out." Kristen sighed and closed her eyes. "I didn't hold her for 2 days."

"What do you mean?"

"I-i refused to see her. I was so scared mom. It took me two days to get the courage to hold her."

"What were you planning on doing with her?"

"Leaving her at the hospital, hoping they knew what to do with her. But as soon as I had her in my arms I couldn't give her up. This all scares me, I feel like I shouldn't have her because of what a fuck up I am but she needs me."

"Kris honey, I do think therapy will be good. You are clearly working through things and you need help. You scared me when you got off the plane tonight. I really wish you would have stayed, you wouldn't have had to do this alone."

"Leaving seemed like the best thing at that time. To get away from the fame and the stereotyping, I needed time and I needed to do this on my own, the adoption."

"We will get through this together."

Kristen sighed and looked down at Kailia, "yes. Together."

A few hours later, Kristen took Kailia into the bedroom and laid down on the bed with her little girl snuggled against her.

"Mommy is going to get better, it will just take some time. I love you and we will get through this together." She whispered as she fell asleep.

 ** _Should I continue this? I was planning on ending it here. Should I write more? Let me know! Thank you!!!!!_**


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